


the grace in monsters

by revolutionaries



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, M/M, Multi, spoilers for later novels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-24
Updated: 2015-11-24
Packaged: 2018-05-03 02:41:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5273471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/revolutionaries/pseuds/revolutionaries
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'"It's funny, isn't it?" Shinra says. "How the four of us gravitate towards one another. Me, you, Celty, Shizuo-kun. And all of us monsters."</p><p>"You're wrong," Izaya replies, narrowing his eyes. "Shizu-chan and your headless girlfriend are the only monsters here. Me and you, we're not."</p><p>Shinra just smiles serenely. "Izaya, we're the biggest monsters of them all."'</p>
            </blockquote>





	the grace in monsters

**Author's Note:**

> set at various points between roughly volumes 10-13. of course while almost having finished writing this i realised that shinra should probably be at various stages of bedridden/in a wheelchair so... let's just overlook that for now.

"I'm thinking of leaving Ikebukuro after all this is over."

He's standing with his back to Shinra, leaning over his and Celty's balcony and staring out across the city like he's finding meaning in the patterns of the people below. The wind tugs gently at the ends of his coat, fans it out and pulls it back in again.

If Shinra was a better person he thinks he'd say, _Don't go._ Or perhaps, _I wish you wouldn't._ If Izaya was a better person then Shinra would surely say, _We'll miss you_. Or maybe, _Come and visit._ He certainly wouldn't remain as silent as he does now with his fingers catching and twisting around the pocket of his lab coat as though it'll bring him any comfort.

"You aren't going to say anything?" Izaya's tone is neutral, perfectly controlled.

Without seeing his face Shinra has no idea what he's thinking. He pushes up his glasses and ignores the slight tremble of his fingers.

"After all of what is over?"

There's a long, overwhelmingly thick silence that Shinra thinks could fill the sky. Izaya turns to him and Shinra swears he sees regret flicker across his face before it's replaced by a carefully blank expression. The heavy weight of dread settles in his stomach.

Izaya's face remains impassive. The wind has tousled his hair so that it falls across his forehead in a way that makes him look years younger. If it weren't for the dark shadows beneath his eyes and the furrow of his brow his age could be placed at nineteen or twenty. Shinra wonders when they all grew up. Twenty five isn't old but he feels as though he's seen lifetimes pass him by already. He can't imagine any of them – himself, Izaya, Shizuo – at forty, at fifty, with wrinkles around their eyes and laughter lines.

(He knows it's unlikely Izaya will live that long with the way he's going. He isn't bulletproof even though he may like to think he is. One day he's going to screw with the wrong people and that'll be it, Izaya will be—)

"You'll see," Izaya says. He doesn't meet Shinra's eye. He doesn't smile.

Shinra would almost have preferred if he'd said it with his eyes narrowed and with that dangerous smirk on his face. Even that would have been less ominous than this.

The wind blows. He wonders if it would be impolite if he didn't invite Izaya to stay for dinner.

 

/

 

Night has fallen dark and heavy around the park where Shizuo and Celty stand, arm-to-arm, staring across the expanse of grass. It's so quiet that Shizuo can hear the faint rustling of the leaves as the cool breeze brushes past them. He raises his cigarette to his lips but before he can take a breath Celty starts tapping something out on her PDA. He drops his arm back to his side and glances at the glowing screen.

[Can I ask you for some advice?]

"Sure," says Shizuo. He takes a drag of his cigarette as Celty begins typing again.

[Well… It's not advice I need really, just… I'm a bit worried about Shinra.]

"Shinra?" he asks in surprise. Of all the things he had thought she'd say being worried about Shinra wasn't one of them. Shizuo wonders if it's even possible to be worried about that damn doctor – he seems to glide through life without a single care in the world except for Celty. "What's he done?"

[He hasn't done anything.] She pauses and tilts her helmet. [He's been acting strangely lately but he says that there's nothing wrong.]

"Strangely?" Shizuo repeats. "Like what? I saw him a couple of days ago and he was just as…" He scowls and smokes again before continuing, as though the very thought of Shinra stresses him out. "Just as weird and hyper as he usually is."

[No, you're right,] says Celty. [But it's as if he's being even more hyper than normal. Like he's covering something up. He seems on edge.] Her typing grows more frantic as her shoulders tense. [I don't think there's anything else he can lie to me about and he did say he'd be honest with me but—!]

"Well, if he's said that there isn't anything wrong then maybe he's just stressed?" Not that Shizuo can think of anything that would stress Shinra out. In fact he really would not like to come across anything possible of stressing Shinra out. "When did it start?"

[A few days ago,] she types. [After Izaya came to visit. I don't know if he said something to Shinra.]

Shizuo accidentally crushes his cigarette. Ash sprinkles down the curve of his wrist and clings to his shirt sleeve.

[Sorry!] Celty waves the PDA as close to his face as she dares. [I didn't think!]

"No," says Shizuo through gritted teeth. "It's fine. It's definitely that damn flea's fault, then. He's probably messing with him."

Celty hesitates. [Izaya's never seriously messed with Shinra before, though…]

Shizuo knows that. He knows that for some reason that weirdo doctor is the one exception to Izaya's insane and ridiculously elaborate schemes. He doesn't pretend to understand it though. They're both a special brand of twisted so he figures Izaya is probably just looking out for a kindred spirit. He knows that Izaya isn't capable of caring for anyone other than himself.

"Maybe he told Shinra what he's planning," Shizuo says. That's probably it, he thinks. Maybe even Shinra thinks he's going too far. His nails dig into his palm and he feels the sharp sting of breaking skin and the sticky warmth of blood. That's it, if Izaya is planning something like that then Shizuo feels an obligation to stop him, to beat him up so—

[Shizuo?] Celty's PDA is in his face again. [Are you okay?]

He realises he must have looked murderous standing there and feels a quick rush of embarrassment. Though she's one of the only people who could handle it he still feels guilty every time he gets angry in front of Celty. She's far too kind to have to witness that.

"Sorry." He ducks his head, hiding his face.

[Don't worry about it,] says Celty. She pauses a moment then taps away again. [Anyway… How is your job going?]

That's why he likes Celty so much, he thinks. Despite not having a head she's more perceptive than most people around him. Her heart may not beat but he's never once doubted that it's there. She's the best out of the four of them, the only one he could describe as "a good person".

As they stand there idly chatting he wonders if she realises this, if she thinks the same.

 

/

 

[They're going to kill each other one of these days.]

Shinra glances at the PDA before he takes a sip of his coffee. Morning sunshine spills through their living room windows, sending light glinting across the dark still surface of his drink. They're side by side on the couch, knees bumping clumsily every time one of them moves. He doesn’t have to ask who she's referring to. Eight a.m. is far too early to be worrying about the escalating Izaya-and-Shizuo problem but he can't find it within himself to deny Celty an answer.

"At this point I'm not sure if they _can_ ," he says slowly, his fingers curling around the mug in his hands and absorbing its heat.

Celty tilts her neck.

"They could easily have killed each other by now," he says. "Shizuo's had numerous chances to do it. He's caught Izaya before and let him go with nothing more than a few bruises and a couple of fractured ribs." He could almost smile at the memory of Izaya banging on his door at midnight shouting about how much it hurt to breathe because the _stupid brute flung me against a wall Shizu-chan truly is the worst kind of monster Shinra open the damn door or so help me I'll do it myself!_

[That's true,] says Celty.

"And Izaya…" Shinra sighs. "If he _really_ wanted Shizuo dead he'd have done it years ago. He has the connections to get away with it with little consequence. And yet Shizuo is still walking around. No," he shakes his head and takes another sip, "Izaya is tricky to figure out sometimes but I'm sure of this."

[Then why…?] Celty doesn't type anything more but Shinra knows what she means without her having to say it.

He gives her a wry smile. "Isn't it obvious? They can't stay away from each other. Izaya gets his kicks out of sending Shizuo-kun into a rage and in turn Shizuo-kun gets to take his anger out on one of the only people who'll give him a somewhat fair fight."

[I think I understand,] says Celty.

Shinra would be surprised if she did. Even he doesn't really get all the odd intricacies of the twisted relationship between his two friends and he doesn't think he ever will. It wouldn't surprise him if even Shizuo and Izaya didn't know what was between them. It's not hatred, Shinra thinks. If he had to put a word to it he'd probably say _obsession_. A complex, terrifying obsession that might just consume the both of them whole one day.

But, ah, well. It's not as if he can criticise them for that because that would make him a hypocrite.

"Enough about Shizuo-kun and Izaya," says Shinra, pressing his knee to Celty's. "It's your day off and I don't have any patients booked in yet, so why don't we—"

Celty jabs his arm but not hard enough for him to spill his coffee. [Idiot. You should go to bed, you were up most of the night patching up one of Shiki-san's men. Aren't you tired?]

"My love for Celty will keep me awake!" he replies, smiling brightly. "Because love is the—"

[Idiot,] Celty says again. She pries the mug gently from his hands and sets it down on the table. As she gets to her feet she types something quickly on her PDA and shows it to him, turning away as she does so as though embarrassed.

"Celty!" Shinra exclaims after reading her message. "I didn't think—!"

[Are you coming or not?!]

He latches onto her hand and lets her pull him out of the room. The coffee cools on the table, forgotten.

 

/

 

Izaya's wild laughter echoes through the city, bouncing off buildings as he darts in and out of alleyways he knows like the back of his hand. His heart thuds erratically in his chest when he hears Shizuo's enraged yell as he comes tearing round the corner after him. He scales a mesh fence with ease and slips down another backstreet, bursting between two men who are almost certainly in the middle of an illegal drug deal. They shout after him but Izaya just laughs again as he hears their anger turn to fear the moment Shizuo brings down the fence in his wake.

He's been running for what seems like an eternity but can't be more than fifteen minutes in reality. Shizuo is far enough behind him that he isn't a threat but every now and then the monster picks up speed and gains on him. Those are the moments Izaya lives for, when it seems like at long last Shizuo may eventually catch him. The thought of it sends adrenaline spiking through his body. It's the uncertainty he lives for, that thrills him like nothing else.

 _I love it_ , he thinks over and over. _I love it, I love it, I love it, I_ hate you!

His lungs are begging for air now but he couldn't stop even if he wanted to. He lets another manic laugh rip out of his chest, knowing it will provoke Shizuo like nothing else. Brick walls blur before his eyes as he skids too-fast around another corner and is faced with a dead end. From a street away he hears Shizuo yell his name again. His eyes dart around for a moment and then he grins as he start climbing up a fire escape as quickly as his aching limbs will let him.

"IZAYA!" Shizuo has entered the alleyway, sweat slipping down his browbone. "Get down here so I can kill you!"

Izaya cackles and doesn't even bother looking down. "Come and get me if you can, Shizu-chan!" He's almost at the top now. The flat roof of the building won't be hard to pull himself up to, provided Shizuo doesn't rip down the entire structure. He knows that he's safe for another few precious seconds because that would require intelligence and the tiniest amount of forethought which he knows Shizuo doesn't possess.

Shizuo shouts something unintelligible and then Izaya feels the fire escape wobble a little as the brute starts climbing up it. He bends his knees and springs, his hands catching onto the edge of the roof. Seconds later he's clambered onto the roof of the building with a little less grace than he'd have liked but it doesn't matter now. Shizuo has almost reached him. He steps back a little and waits, unable to keep the grin of exhileration off his face.

Shizuo pulls himself up easily and strides towards him with the most terrifying expression Izaya's ever seen on his face. _I'm going to die_ , he thinks as twisted excitement thrums throughout his body. _I’m going to die, I'm going to—_ His thoughts stutter out as Shizuo grabs him around the throat and pushes him into a wall. His back slams into the brick, sending a shiver of pain down his spine.

"Caught you." The grin Shizuo gives him is truly wild. Izaya is left literally breathless.

"Shizu-chan," he manages with what little air he can get. He can't even reach his switchblade from here. "Do you really think you'd have caught me if I didn't want you to?"

"Don't care," says Shizuo. If anything, his grip tightens and Izaya is lifted into the air.

Evening has started to creep across the sky, throwing everything into shadow. The sunset glints off of Shizuo's bleached hair, glimmering gold in the dying light. Sweat slides down Izaya's forehead as he struggles to breathe, to break free from the iron grip, to do _anything_ other than die on a rooftop with no one around to see it.

"Aren't you curious?" he chokes out. "Don't you want to know why I let myself get caught?"

"I know why," Shizuo replies.

Izaya struggles again uselessly. "Do tell, Shizu—" He gasps. "—chan."

And then suddenly, Shizuo lets him drop to the ground. His palms meet the concrete with a loud smack and he stays there for a long moment, lungs heaving in his body as he drags in as much air as he can.

"It seems Shizu-chan can't kill me after all," he says, head tilted towards the ground as he rests there on his hands and knees. He grins weakly and looks up at Shizuo. He stares down at Izaya with open disgust on his face and Izaya's laugh comes so hard he almost chokes on it. "I didn't think you could."

"Shut up," says Shizuo aggressively. Izaya doesn't doubt that he'd kick him while he's already down. Part of him even wants to taunt Shizuo into it. "You didn't _let me catch_ you. I caught you because you ran into a dead end. You didn't _think_."

"So you're actually capable of rational thought," says Izaya mockingly. He doesn't bother denying it. Might as well let Shizuo have his fun before Izaya destroys him. Slowly and feeling every single bruise forming on his body, he gets to his feet and dusts down his clothes. "Who knew the beast had a brain in there all along?"

Shizuo growls and Izaya knows it's only moments before he's slammed back into the wall. "Shut up, _I-za-ya-kun_."

"Make me," says Izaya goadingly. His hand curls around the blade in his coat pocket.

Shizuo surveys him for a long moment before turning away. "Tch. You're not worth it."

Izaya scowls. This isn't how it's supposed to go. Shizu-chan is being unpredictable again and he _hates_ it. He needs to fix that, needs to turn Shizuo wild again so that Izaya knows exactly where he stands with him.

He knows what he has to do. He pulls the knife from his pocket and throws it aside.

He takes a step closer to Shizuo and spreads his arms wide. The hem of his jacket billows gently in the wind. Determination surges through him, spurring him onwards. He grins from ear to ear, his eyes narrow and bright against the dying sunlight as Shizuo turns back to look at him.

"Kill me."

 

/

 

The sun has long since set when Shizuo bangs on Shinra's door hard enough for a hinge to creak under the weight of his fist. Blood drips down his arm, the ticklish feeling of it aggravating him even more. He bangs again and shouts Shinra's name.

"Damn doctor is taking his fucking time, _annoying_ ," he mutters under his breath. His arm is still oozing blood onto the tiled floor. "Shinra! Open up!"

Eventually he hears the sound of feet padding towards the door and Shinra reveals himself.

"Shizuo-kun, what can I do for—" he starts, but Shizuo is already pushing his way in.

He waves his injured arm in the air, trying to catch the steadily dripping blood before it gets all over Shinra and Celty's apartment. "Think I need stitches."

Shinra snaps into doctor mode and drags Shizuo through to the room where he keeps his medical supplies. None too gently, he forces Shizuo into a chair and straightens out his arm, examining the long gash.

"Knife wound," he concludes, turning round to grab a disinfectant. Shizuo nods. Shinra begins to disinfect the wound as quickly as he can so that he can move on to stopping the bleeding. Neither of them say anything as he begins to stitch it up.

"Done," he says. He busies himself with tidying away his equipment, his back to Shizuo as he asks, "So what did Izaya do now?"

There's a jarring crunching sound as Shizuo crushes one of the arms of the chair. He sees Shinra wince but he doesn't turn back around.

He scowls as he remembers earlier that evening. Izaya on the top of the building with his head tilted back and his arms spread, that ever-present smirk plastered all over his sly face. Izaya wearing that smug expression that says he thinks he holds all the cards in his hand. Izaya throwing his knife away and stepping forwards, his eyes screaming that he wasn't afraid of Shizuo, could _never_ be afraid of Shizuo.

"Shizuo?" Shinra says, facing him now. Even Shizuo can pick up the growing unease in his tone. "What did he do?"

"Stupid bastard told me to kill him," growls Shizuo, clenching his fists at the memory. "Just stood there like – like he knew everything that was going to happen and then said it."

"Ahh." Shinra pushes his glasses up. Shizuo thinks he sees shock flicker across his face for a second. "You didn't… did you?"

Shizuo's annoyance builds. "No, I fucking didn't. I'd never give him what he wants."

"I don't think he wants…" Shinra begins, but stops himself. Shizuo doesn't really care why or what Shinra was going to say. "Where is he?"

"Fuck if I know. Left him on the roof of some building." Shizuo drums his fingertips on the crushed arm of the chair. "Sorry about this, by the way."

"It's fine, it's fine," says Shinra hurriedly. "It still functions. I meant to ask, do you feel any pain from your arm?"

"Nah, nothing," says Shizuo. "It'll be fine in a day or two. …Thanks."

Shinra smiles and busies himself with washing his hands. "You don't have to do that, you know. If I wanted thanks I'd charge you for my services."

"Ah." Shizuo rubs the back of his neck self-consciously. "I always feel kinda bad about that. When I'm done paying back my damages to the city I'll—"

"No," says Shinra firmly, turning the tap off so definitively it lets out a small squeak of protest. "Shizuo-kun, I treat you because I _want_ to. You're a friend to both Celty and I. Even I wouldn't feel right taking money from you because of that."

Shizuo pauses. Since elementary school he's always described Shinra as a "bad acquaintance that stuck", someone who was a constant in the city, neither part of the chaos nor orchestrating it. Someone on the outside, a world away from Shizuo. Only now is he realising that Shinra might just care for him in his own warped way.

But he can't help but wonder just how much Shinra's care stems from his own self and not Celty's pushing for him to keep contact with his old friends. He knows that Shinra doesn't care about humans at all, doesn't form lasting and meaningful attachments to anyone other than Celty. Though perhaps that's precisely why he can care for both Shizuo and Izaya, the two humans in the city who have pushed the boundaries of humanity, Shizuo with his body and Izaya with his mind.

Yes, he thinks the four of them are doomed to circle each other forever, reluctantly intertwined.

"Yeah, well," grumbles Shizuo, unable to accept the compliment for what it is, "you charge the flea money."

Shinra's eyebrows raise as if he's surprised that Shizuo would know such a detail. Then he laughs and says, "Only sometimes. But Izaya is loaded anyway so I doubt the meagre amount I _do_ charge him makes a dent in his finances."

"He's Izaya now?" he asks, finally placing what was different. Right through school, up until now to Shinra he's always been _Orihara-kun_. Shizuo wonders what's changed.

Shinra only nods in reponse. There's a story there, he can tell, but he's not sure it's his place to ask about it. Normally he would push the subject until he ended up breaking something in frustration but something in Shinra's expression deters him from doing so.

Shinra has always held Izaya at a further distance than he has Shizuo - mostly out of a desire to keep the scheming bastard as far away from Celty as possible - but maybe that's starting to change.

Shizuo wonders what else is capable of changing. The city is hurtling towards a climax, that much is certain, but what they'll all look like after the end of it isn't something Shizuo is eager to find out.

 

/

 

[Izaya.]

She stares at her phone, waiting. He usually texts back immediately so she figures she won't have long to wait. Honestly, she doesn't even know why she's bothering to do this. If Shinra hadn't hinted to her that checking up on Izaya might be a good idea after what seemed to have been a nasty altercation with Shizuo it would never have crossed her mind.

Five minutes later and she's still there, one leg half slung over Shooter. In the darkness, the taunting glare of _You have no new notifcations_ reads like half-formed concern mingled with curiosity. It's rare that Izaya would take such a long time to reply to a text. If he hasn't replied in the next five minutes, she resolves – against her better judgement – to go up to his apartment.

However, she only has to wait two more minutes before an answer finally comes.

[What can I do for you at this hour, Courier-san?]

His tone is polite but she reads it in his lilting voice, pictures the lazy grin and the half-lidded eyes. A rush of dislike surges through her at the thought.

[Shinra asked me to check up on you.]

He doesn't reply within ten minutes and Celty lets the tension in her shoulders out. Going up to his apartment is something she _really_ doesn't want to do, now or ever, but she knows Shinra will be quietly worried if she doesn't. Steeling herself, she gives Shooter a quick pat and heads into the building.

She takes the lift, ignoring the slightly odd looks she gets from residents exiting the building. By now, she's more than used to it.

The lift lets out a soft chime as it reaches the top floor and Celty steps out. The floor is silent except from the soft murmur of voices that gets louder as she gets closer to Izaya's apartment. He must have guests, she concludes. Or clients. If he's conducting business at this hour then he must be fine. She pauses just for a second to listen in.

"… _Told_ you to get Kishitani-sensei to look at it," comes a female voice. "Unless you want to start paying me for my medical services too. _Stay still_ —"

"Ahh." That's Izaya's voice, Celty notes to herself. "Namie-san is far too fixated on money. Don't you know there are—" He lets out a strangled yelp and then hisses. The sound of it surprises Celty. Never in all the time she's known him has she heard Orihara Izaya emit any sound that would indicate he felt pain.

"Don't be such a baby," says the woman. Namie. "This is your own fault. That's what you get for poking the bear. _Stop wriggling_."

Celty wonders whether she should make her presence known. If she leaves now then surely Shinra will be satisfied knowing that he was receiving some kind of medical attention. She takes a slow step backwards when a text pings on her phone, the sound echoing in the empty corridor. _Crap_ , she thinks, pulling her phone too quickly out of her sleeve and fumbling with it until she can steady it in her shaking hands.

The muffled conversation inside has stopped. Celty glances at the text which is predictably from Shinra before sliding her phone away. She hears footsteps pad slowly towards the door and the woman say sarcastically, "Oh yeah, and what are _you_ going to do looking like that if it's someone come to murder you?" followed by a hushed, "Be _quiet_ , Namie."

The front door clicks open and Celty throws up her hands in nervousness, unsure of what to say. Izaya sees her almost instantly and relaxes. As he pockets the knife he had been clutching in his hand he says, "I'm sure even monsters know it's rude to sneak around outside people's homes, Courier-san."

[Did you get my text?] she asks, ignoring the jibe.

His eyes skim lazily over the screen and the corner of his mouth lifts just a little. "I must have put my phone on silent."

[I'm sure you did.] She looks at him properly. In the dim light of the hall his skin glows slightly paler than usual and there's a sheen of sweat across his forehead. From the way he was standing in the doorframe when he first came out she hadn't noticed it but now she sees that one of his arms is partly bandaged and there's a dark ring of fingerprints circling his neck like a chain. [Are you alright?]

"Never better," he says lightly. "Is that all?"

She hesitates. Would Shinra be satisfied with just her description of what she can see of Izaya's injuries? Or would he—?

[Will you come back with me?] she asks, fingers flying across the keyboard before she's really processed what she's asking.

Izaya frowns. "Is your perverted boyfriend really that desperate for other company?"

Celty feels a sting of annoyance at that. Izaya's borderline disrespectful manner of talking about Shinra has always irritated her despite the fact that Shinra seems to enjoy it and treats Izaya just as badly.

[It would make him worry less.]

Izaya lets out a full blown laugh that quickly turns into a wince of pain as he presses his hand against his chest. "If you keep saying things like that I might actually start to believe them, you know. The idea of Shinra worrying about something other than you is absurd."

[What do you mean by that?]

Something dark and bitter flits across Izaya's face but it's gone a second later. She hates to admit it, even just to herself, but that darker, resentful side of Izaya has always intrigued her. She detests his usual mask of laughing nonchalance but the few times she's caught something else stirring under it she's been fascinated. Izaya is more human than he lets on, she's always known this. And catching glimpses, however brief, of the proof of that is one of the reasons she keeps coming back, keeps accepting jobs that seem to only get shadier.

"Alright." Izaya is smirking again. She fights the urge to punch it clean off his face. "Let's go, Courier-san."

 

/

 

"When are you going to stop doing this?"

Izaya lets a slow grin tease at the corners of his mouth as Shinra finishes assessing the damage on his ribs. "When it stops being fun."

"You're lucky they're only bruised," Shinra says, and starts disinfecting the shallow cut along Izaya's cheek. "I'm beginning to think you're some sort of masochist."

"Maybe I am."

"You know Shizuo-kun hates it when you provoke him that much." Shinra's tone is nothing short of reprimanding and Izaya feels a stab of anger at being treated like a child. He doesn't respond, so Shinra continues, "I know you do. I have some idea of why you do it so I'm not going to ask that, but… I don't think I'm wrong in asking you to stop it."

As if to punctuate his words, he swabs just a little too much alcohol onto Izaya's already stinging cut.

"To stop?" Izaya repeats tonelessly. He wants to say something like "Why do you care?" but he knows it would come out far too bitter. He settles for, "Why does whether I stop matter to you?"

"Do I really need to answer that? Hold out your arm." Izaya obliges and Shinra pushes back his sleeve and runs his fingers across the bandages Namie wrapped around it earlier. He sighs. "I'm going to go on the assumption that Yagiri-san knows what she's doing and leave your arm as it is because frankly, I can't be bothered checking it."

"You're a terrible doctor," Izaya drawls. "Do you treat all your patients like this? It's a wonder you have clients if you do."

Shinra doesn't dignify that with an answer. Instead, he turns his back to Izaya and begins tidying away his equipment. Izaya frowns, unsatisifed with being ignored. His eyes scan the room, searching for something to provoke Shinra with, and land on a chair with a crushed arm opposite him. He grins.

"Shizu-chan was here, I see," he says. "Did you treat him too? Not that I managed to hurt that monster much at all compared to what he did to me. Ah, did he tell you what happened? Did he tell you about how he wrapped his protozoan hands around my throat and choked me until I couldn't breathe? Did he—"

"Shut _up_!" says Shinra loudly, his back still turned.

Izaya jumps a little, his heartbeat quickening against his already aching ribs. Shinra isn't an emotional man, except when it comes to Celty, and he certainly never raises his voice in anger. He should be shocked, maybe even slightly scared, but all he feels in the pounding of his heart and the slight tremble of his fingers is _elation_.

Sheer elation.

He can't remember the last time he felt like this. Certainly not lately with everything that's been piling up around him and the constant threat of Ikebukuro slipping from his grasp. Not even being chased by Shizu-chan through the streets of the city he knows so well matches this.

Because this – this is Shinra finally showing himself as affected by Izaya's words. He doesn't think this has ever happened before. Shinra has certainly never raised his voice to him in the twelve years that they've known each other.

Izaya thinks this is what they call being speechless.

He wonders what kind of expression he's wearing, and what kind of expression Shinra has. He wishes Shinra would turn around so he can get a glimpse of something he may never see again. The experience of seeing such a rare thing is something he'd surely treasure for as long as he lives.

"So you do care," is all he says, so quietly he's unsure if the words came out at all.

Shinra turns to him then and his face looks more anguished and beautiful than Izaya's ever seen it. Humans always look best in agony, he thinks, and Shinra is no exception. Jealousy flits through him for a burning second and if he wasn't afraid of losing sight of something he's longed to see for years he would close his eyes at its intensity.

Shinra doesn't answer that. "You asked him to kill you."

"I did," says Izaya, shrugging. "Because I knew he wouldn't do it. And I was right. Shizu-chan is boring."

"Don't do that again." His voice is flat, almost emotionless, but Izaya knows now that Shinra is feeling anything but detached.

"I—"

"Don't. Because one day he just might," he says. Some of his warmth seems to seep back into him as he leans forward, folding his arms over the back of the chair opposite Izaya. "And who do you think will have to take care of the clean up? Scrubbing your brains off a wall isn't really something I'll want to spend an evening doing."

"So that's all you're worried about?" Izaya stands abruptly, pulling his coat on and ignoring the twinging pain in his chest.

Shinra meets his gaze levelly. "That's all I'm worried about."

Izaya leaves.

 

/

 

[Something has to be done about it.]

The three of them are sitting in Celty and Shinra's living room, wedged onto the couch with Celty in the middle so they can see what she's typing on her laptop. The sun has already set despite it being only half past six in the evening and the lights of the city glow hazily in the window. The lethargy that evening brings with it has already set into Shinra's bones and he'd like nothing more than to sleep for twelve hours straight. Was it really only last night he finally lost it with Izaya?

"He can't be stopped," mutters Shizuo.

[Surely even Izaya can be stopped,] Celty types.

"Trust me, I've tried," he replies, shaking his head. He's clearly itching for a cigarette, his hands tapping on the carton he keeps in his pocket, but Shinra has threatened him that for every cigarette he smokes in his flat Shinra gets a free blood sample from him. "Damn flea is… well, same as always." He scowls. "Twisted little fucker. He probably deserves whatever's coming to him."

Celty hesitates. [Something is happening in Ikebukuro and it feels like he's caught in the middle of it. I don't like him but… I don't want to see him dead.]

"Celty is so kind!" says Shinra half-heartedly.

She jabs him in response. [I'm serious. Even Shiki-san is on edge about what's been happening lately. If the Awakusu-kai are worried then…]

She doesn't need to finish that sentence. Shinra knows that if the Awakusu-kai are concerned about something then they should all be running for their lives.

"Awakusu-kai," repeats Shizuo. "That the yakuza group the flea's always running around with?"

Shinra nods, placing his elbows on his knees and resting his face on his hands. "Izaya isn't impossible to be stopped. He's fickle but more predictable than he thinks. If he knows his own life is genuinely in danger then he'll back off."

[You know him well,] says Celty. [What would you suggest?]

Shinra sighs and adjusts his glasses tiredly. "Does it really seem that way? I feel like I hardly know him most of the time. And other times I feel like I can see right through him. Either way, I'm not sure what to do."

"If he's scheming something big then I'll break the bastard's neck myself," says Shizuo, clenching his fists tightly.

Shinra is silent for a moment. Then, "I don't think that he's planning anything."

[?]

"He has to be, he always is," says Shizuo.

Shinra gives his head a small shake. "No, not this time. Not anything big, anyway. I actually think this time he might be the one being manipulated."

The image of Izaya standing on their balcony with that oddly blank expression on his face comes back to him. "You'll see," he had said, eyes dark and mouth set in an unreadable line. "You'll see," and never has a shiver run up Shinra's spine quite like it did when he said those two words.

He knows all too well what Izaya is like when he feels like he's lost whatever twisted semblance of control he has. In their high school days it had happened only once but it left Izaya erratic and irrational and even more prone to recklessness than usual. And of course it was Shinra who treated him when he got his wrist fractured after provoking Shizuo just a little too much.

Neither Celty nor Shizuo say anything for a long moment.

"Tch," says Shizuo eventually. "As if anyone could out-manipulate him." Yet when he looks at Shinra his brow is creased in uncertainty.

Shinra looks away before getting to his feet. He walks over to the window and pauses, choosing his next words wisely because he would rather Shizuo didn't destroy their entire apartment. "Shizuo-kun, I think it's for the best that you stay away from Izaya for now."

"Huh?"

"He's rash around you," Shinra says carefully. "I'd rather not waste the little time I have stitching him up. I hope you can understand."

He knows fine well Shizuo and Izaya are doomed to both simultaneously attract and repel each other for the rest of their lives but it would be nice for his friends to listen to him for once.

All in all, he thinks he does well in keeping his voice steady.

 

/

 

Night has long set in now with Shizuo having left a couple of hours ago. Both of them are sprawled out on the couch together, Shinra half-asleep already as Celty idly channel-hops. He shifts against her slightly and she threads her fingers through his hair in the way she knows he loves.

It's nights like these that make her happiest, when neither of them have anything to do other than spend time together. Did she ever think years and years ago when she first came to this city that she'd be complacent in such a routine of domesticity? She thinks that the person she was back then could never have been happy with something as simple, as easy as this. Before she made friends here, before she stopped searching so relentlessly for her head, before she fell in love with Shinra… It seems like a lifetime ago to her now.

Her phone vibrates on the table, startling both of them out of their reverie. She sags her shoulders in faint annoyance but doesn't move other than that.

"Mm, you should check that," mumbles Shinra, pushing himself upright and grabbing his glasses from the table. "Might be a client."

She knows he's right. Reluctantly, she picks up the phone and quickly scrolls through the message before composing a reply.

"Was I right?" he asks, getting to his feet and stretching.

She taps once on the table for yes. Once she's finished replying she holds the phone up to Shinra. [I have a job tomorrow but it's nothing big.]

He nods and starts to clear the empty mugs he and Shizuo had used earlier from the table. Celty watches him, never quite bored with the sight of Shinra performing ordinary, menial tasks. If she were to ever truly die she feels like the last thought to cross her mind would be the memory of Shinra humming happily at the kitchen sink with bubbles caught in his hair.

Deep down, she knows the feelings Shinra holds for her aren't quite as they should be for a romantic partner. It gnaws at her mind sometimes, wondering about the depths he'd sink to in order to keep her with him or to save her. If it came to it, she's sure he'd kill for her and nothing on this earth terrifies her more than that. And yet she continues to stay with him, will continue to stay with him for as long as she possibly can because despite the darkness within him, perhaps despite her better judgement, she loves him.

She follows him over to the sink and allows the steady sound of running water to clear her mind a little.

[Do you think Shizuo will be okay?] she asks.

Shinra considers her words. "As long as he stays away from Izaya. If their paths cross again… I'm not sure who'll come off worst. Physically, Izaya will, but emotionally… Shizuo-kun truly does hate violence, even against Izaya."

If there's one thing about her human friends she'll never be able to understand it's the relationship between Shizuo and Izaya. The intensity of their emotions towards one another both frighten and fascinate her. Their obsession for one another runs so deep she can't picture one existing without the other there to provoke him. In her twenty years in this city she's never witnessed anything quite like it. She's seen hate and she's seen love but she's never seen such a twisted, feral obsession as this.

She's certain that Izaya holds similar feelings towards Shinra too, a complex fascination coupled with a deep-rooted protectiveness that renders him unable to do anything but ruin the life of anyone who hurts Shinra.

[Why do you think Izaya is being manipulated?] It's difficult for her to even imagine. For so long Izaya has been the chessmaster behind every weird occurrence in Ikebukuro. If someone can out-manoeuvre even him then she doesn't think that's a person she'd like to meet.

He smiles wryly. "Back in high school, someone tried a similar thing and he _hated_ it. For weeks he acted just as he has been lately. He picked fights with Shizuo-kun every day, tried his best to pick verbal fights with _me_ and was generally a huge thorn in everybody's side until he eventually came out on top. But we're not in high school any more and the city is his playground so he's doing the same thing just… on a much larger scale."

She leans her elbows on the empty countertop next to the sink and watches Shinra begin to wash up. [You're worried about him. I… didn't realise until now. That it was like that between you two.]

Shinra gives her the small smile he reserves only for her. "I know you don't like him, and neither do most people. After all, he's a terrible person to everyone around him. Maybe it's naïve but… I believe that there's some goodness in him, and I'd rather not see one of my two friends wind up dead at the hands of whoever he's pissed off this time."

Privately, Celty doesn't think there's much goodness in Izaya's heart at all but she doesn't say this.

She knows that even if Shinra hadn't dedicated his whole heart to her no jealousy would stir within her at his words. She could never pretend to understand just what unspoken current runs between the two of them, something initiated by Izaya's relentless twelve year old curiosity and sealed by the scar on Shinra's side.

Some things, she thinks, are not meant to be understood.

[It's not naïve,] she types. [I think it's kind.]

His answering smile is so bright she almost has to look away.

 

/

 

They meet again.

Despite Shinra's warning, they meet again. Shizuo knows that the way their story goes is that they will meet again and again until one of them is destroyed at the hands of the other. He knows that this is the path they're on, have been on since they first laid eyes on one another in high school, and he feels like their mutual destruction of one another is hurtling to a close.

Izaya is standing across the road, his arms thrown out. His mouth moves but from here Shizuo can't make out what he's saying. He tilts his head back and laughs and _that_ Shizuo hears, the sound of it ringing clear as it breaks through the cool night air. His eyes are taunting as they rest on Shizuo. His mouth moves again and this time Shizuo can just make out the drawn out "Shizu-chan" before he moves on instinct.

He thinks briefly of Shinra's grave face as he asked him to stay away from Izaya and of Celty's certain disappointment. A flash of regret nips at him but it's too late. He's already across the road and Izaya is fleeing down the street, laughing like a child finally getting what he wants. Shizuo yells something – he's really not too sure what sounds come out of his mouth – and Izaya glances back with a fierce grin on his face.

"You can do better, Shizu-chan!" he calls, speeding up as he darts down an alley Shizuo hadn't even known was there.

Rage twists through him and the world clouds red except from Izaya's back with his coat fanning out behind him. He bursts through a chainlink fence, bringing it crashing down in his wake. The sharp clatter of destruction, the city breathing beneath him, the blood in his veins singing out at the promise of carnage – he hates how this has all become a routine, a _comfort_. He hates violence, hates Izaya more, hates most of all that he _enjoys_ this.

When did he become this person?

In what seems like less than a second, Izaya has disappeared from sight. As he rounds a corner, Shizuo skids to a halt and listens closely because Izaya can't have gone far.

Ragged breathing. To the left. He turns.

Izaya has curved himself into a darkened doorway, the black of his clothes blending into it almost entirely. He would be camouflaged if it wasn't for the fur and his skin, sickly pale and beaded with sweat in the darkness.

"Getting better at this, aren't you, Shizu-chan?" he says, the arrogance in his voice not matching the strained expression in the slightest. Even as a cornered animal Izaya remains prideful and mocking. Irritation thrums through Shizuo and his hands itch to break something.

"Shut up," he growls instead. He'd forgotten that bruised ribs take longer to heal on a normal person than they would on him. If Izaya can even be considered a "normal person".

(He ignores that voice in his head that he thinks sounds a bit too much like Shinra saying, _As much as he tries to push it away, he's human too_.)

"Are you just going to stand there?" says Izaya, bored already. "Really, right now you look like you have even less brain cells than you probably do. Shizu-chan has become so _boring_." He bites it out like it's the worst word he knows.

Shizuo narrows his eyes, willing himself not to snap and hurl Izaya halfway across the city.

Izaya sighs theatrically. "So tedious. Well, goodbye, Shizu—" As he straightens up and starts to leave, Shizuo pins him roughly against the wall. A cry tears from Izaya's lips as his ribs are jarred. Immediately, he clamps his mouth shut and glares in what Shizuo thinks must be true anger.

"Going for round two, are we?" Izaya says unevenly, his tone no longer light and taunting. He scowls and, his voice regaining its strength, spits out, "Get it over with then."

Shizuo tightens his grip on the tops of Izaya's arms. His eyes are burning with fury but he doesn't struggle after realising he has no chance of getting his flickblade out of his pocket without his arm being ripped off. The long cut skimming his cheek looks almost black in the night. Izaya is smaller, much smaller than Shizuo and with a fraction of the strength. Shizuo knows that without a doubt he could crush Izaya here, rip him limb from limb, truly kill him this time and end it all. It would take minimal effort on his part. He wouldn't even have to exert the full force of his power.

Then he thinks of Shinra, the only person in the world who cares about whether Izaya lives or dies and that inexplicable, tangled thread between the two of them that no one else will quite understand. He thinks of Celty and the beauty of her kindness and her disappointment if he were to become a murderer – for Izaya, no less.

Is it worth it?

He thinks of Izaya bleeding out on the pavement at the hands of somebody who _wasn't him_ and how nobody told him until long after Izaya had escaped from the hospital and disappeared. He thinks of all that red seeping into the ground, of Izaya's life, bled into the veins of the city itself.

Of Izaya, right in front of him, spitting mad and small and fragile and much too human for Shizuo to feel comfortable with.

Is it worth it?

"Come on, _monster_ ," Izaya taunts, his voice still leaking rage.

In the end, he can't do it.

He never could.

He lets Izaya go and walks away.

 

/

 

"Watch what you're _doing_ , stop touching them, aahh—" Izaya groans as Shinra presses a hand none too gently against his aching ribs. Everything hurts, from the sharp pain when he breathes to the pounding in his head. "You perverted, sadistic—"

"Maybe next time you'll listen to me when I tell you not to do anything strenuous then," says Shinra unflinchingly. "You've probably extended your recovery time by a few days but you've not damaged them much more than they were. As long as you stop jaunting around the city like you're uninjured, that is."

"Ugh, shut up." Izaya waves a hand to convey his general annoyance. "I get it."

" _Do_ you?" asks Shinra sharply. "Because I don't know what you've gotten yourself into this time but if you can't even run from someone attacking you, then—"

"So that's it." Izaya feels himself grin at finally finding an answer to Shinra's odd  behaviour. "You think I'm in some kind of trouble."

"You're telling me you aren't?" Shinra sits down on the armchair opposite him and folds his arms.

"Everything is under control," he lies with a straight face.

Shinra looks unconvinced but otherwise says nothing.

"Being this serious all the time really doesn't suit you," Izaya says.

Everything about this side of Shinra is fascinating – this deeply conflicted, concerned and grave version of his friend that he's never seen before. He could say he loves it, but it also unnerves him. Shinra is supposed to laugh at Izaya getting himself hurt when one of his schemes backfires or be otherwise unaffected, not actively express worry at whatever shady business he's gotten mixed up in now. It throws off their old dynamic and Izaya would absolutely never voice it aloud but he's floundering, unsure of how to deal with him now.

Shinra is the one human who he has never regarded as such. Like Izaya, Shinra is something above all of humanity, removed entirely from the rest of the world.

That's why Izaya could never love Shinra. Not like he loves humans. Not like that at all.

"Izaya, please—" Shinra begins just as there's a rapping at the front door. He moves as if to get to his feet but Celty waves a hand as she comes through from the bedroom and goes to answer it.

"Yo," comes a gruff voice. Izaya's heart both sinks in dread and swells in anticipation as he realises it's Shizuo at the door. What the hell can that monster possibly want at this time of night? He taps his fingers on his leg in an attempt to relieve his system of some of the adrenaline pulsing through him.

He wonders how Shinra's request was going to end. But perhaps, he thinks, it's better to fill in the blanks by himself.

There's a silence at the door before he hears Shizuo answer what must have been Celty's unspoken question. "Just stoppin' by. Shinra in?"

He wonders if Shizuo has come to finish what he started earlier. The tops of his arms where he had been grabbed earlier have bruised with the disgusting pattern of the monster's fingertips and still throb whenever his sleeves rub against them. White hot hate curls in the pit of his stomach at the thought of bearing Shizuo's marks on his flesh.

"S'everything okay?" he hears Shizuo ask. The concern in his voice makes Izaya want to be sick. Monsters, he thinks, should not try to be human.

"Shizu-chan," he hears himself say, drawn out and taunting. "What a surprise."

As Izaya knew he would, Shizuo shuffles politely past Celty and then stomps into the living room with his face like thunder. Izaya is already on his feet, knife held unwaveringly out in front of him as Shizuo approaches.

"You—" Shizuo growls, but doesn't come any closer. Izaya wonders just what kind of thoughts are running through his head right now.

"Come to kill me again?" Izaya tilts his head and then takes a step closer, his knife never once lowering. A feral grin twists onto his face like smoke. "You didn't do so well the last time. Do your best, _Shizu-chan_!"

"No one is killing _anyone_ in the apartment where Celty lives," says Shinra firmly, stepping between the two of them and holding out his arms. "If you want to murder each other, please step outside."

Izaya scowls but then slouches back into the chair, accepting defeat. "You changed your tune quickly," he shoots at Shinra who looks back unflinchingly and crosses his arms.

Across the room, Celty seems ready to hit at _least_ one of them. She crosses over to where Shinra and Izaya are sitting and holds out her phone, her irritation plain in every movement.

[We're resolving this here and now! Neither of you are leaving until this is fixed!]

"Until _what_ is fixed, Courier-san?" asks Izaya, leaning back and crossing his legs. He bites in the inside of his cheek to stop himself from visibly wincing. "The hatred I feel for Shizu-chan is nothing but well-deserved."

Shizuo glares at him, edging forwards again. "You _framed me_ , you bastard. You expect me to just forget that? I hate you with every fibre of my being!"

Izaya's hand slips back into his pocket to grip his knife. "If you come one step closer to me I'll start hacking bits off."

[Stop!] Celty stamps her foot to get their attention. [You can't go on like this!]

Shinra sighs. "She's right. Don't say a single word, Izaya, you _know_ she's right."

Izaya shuts his mouth in annoyance.

Celty moves over to stand next to Shinra and links her free hand with his. [If you really can't get along then just stay away from each other. But please,] Izaya notices her hand tighten in Shinra's, [stop trying to kill each other. Do you think either of us want to see you dead?]

"What's this?" Izaya raises his eyebrows, defaulting to detached derision. "The Headless Rider has a heart even though it doesn't beat?"

But the humanity in Celty's heart has never been up for debate. It sickens him just how human someone so monstrous can be.

"Izaya," says Shinra warningly.

"Everything would be fine if the louse would stay the hell out of 'Bukuro," Shizuo contributes.

This worked so much better when they were younger. Shizuo and Izaya would try to kill each other, Shinra would patch them up while laughing at how idiotic his friends were and occasionally complain that he was bored of having to fix them all the time, Celty would attempt to talk some sense into them to no avail. That was how it went.

Now, the easy, age-old routine has given way to something more violent, something that runs deeper than even Izaya in all his pseudo-omniscience thought possible.

Izaya shakes his head in frustration. "We're done here." He gets to his feet and grabs his coat, already striding towards the door.

Celty falters slightly in the face of his determination but Shinra steps in. "If you leave now, Izaya, then—"

"Then what?" It comes out oddly flat, not at all like the mocking way he intended it to.

"Nothing," says Shinra. He pushes up his glasses. "Never mind."

If he was looking back on this moment he'd think that he'd want the last exchange of words between himself and Kishitani Shinra to be a little more dramatic, a little more reflective of the easier relationship they used to share. Perhaps he would even wish that they were a little kinder.

As it is, he looks back at the three of them clustered there. Celty, straight-backed with her hand resting gently on Shinra's arm, Shizuo with his eyes narrowed and looking very much as though he'd enjoy wringing Izaya's neck there and then, and Shinra, his face bearing none of its usual cheerfulness. His hand over Celty's.

Izaya looks at them, empties his heart, and then there's nothing but the too-quiet click of the door behind him.

 

/

 

 _"_ It's funny, isn't it?" Shinra says. "How the four of us gravitate towards one another. Me, you, Celty, Shizuo-kun. And all of us monsters. Except Celty, of course," he adds unsurprisingly.

"You admit Shizu-chan is a monster?" Izaya has his back to him, leaning all his weight on the railing of Shinra's balcony. Truthfully, this is one of his favourite spots for people watching in all of Ikebukuro. Looking down on the city like this, he feels limtless.

He turns around to see Shinra smiling serenely. "Only physically."

"You're wrong," he replies, narrowing his eyes. "Shizu-chan and your headless girlfriend are the only monsters here. Me and you, we're not."

Shinra only continues to smile, his eyes bright behind his glasses. "Izaya, we're the biggest monsters of them all."

Izaya scowls and turns away again. Beneath him, the city breathes.

 _We're the biggest monsters of them all._ If that's what Shinra believes to be the truth then Izaya will do anything to prove him wrong. They both fall silent. There is no sound but the soft rustle of the wind.

 _Monster,_ Izaya thinks, and clenches his fists.

"I'm thinking of leaving Ikebukuro after all this is over."

 

/

 

Weeks later, Izaya calls Shizuo from an abandoned warehouse with the promise to bring everything crashing to an end.

Weeks later, Celty weeps with the pain of what she is and what she now knows she never could be.

Weeks later, Shinra proves himself a monster when he feels Saika's cold metal in the palm of his hand and slashes downwards as his lover's head is separated from her body once again.

Weeks later, Izaya stands before Shizuo ragged and seething with a vicious triumph even as his legs threaten to give out. He laughs blood and allows the words to twist themselves out of his mouth.

"Do it, _monster_."

 _Who is the real monster now, Shinra?_ The question swims through his hazy mind and, knowing that he is about to receive his answer, he closes his eyes and accepts his fate.


End file.
